Circle of Security Parenting Program
Parenting is the most important job most of us will ever do — and the one we receive almost no training for.
The Circle of Security Parenting Program (CoS-P) is an evidence-based intervention designed to help parents understand their child's emotional needs more clearly — and to respond in ways that build the kind of secure attachment that gives children the best possible foundation for life.
The Circle — what it represents
The programme is built around a simple but powerful image: a circle. At the top are the child's needs for exploration — to go out into the world, to try things, to be supported in their adventures. At the bottom are the child's needs for safety — to come back, to be welcomed, to have big feelings soothed.
The parent's role is to be the 'Secure Base' from which the child can venture out, and the 'Safe Haven' to which they can return. Neither alone is enough. Children need both the freedom to explore and the certainty that there's someone reliable to come back to.
"Always be bigger, stronger, wiser and kind. Whenever possible, follow your child's lead. Whenever necessary, take charge." — Circle of Security
Try this: The 'shark music' concept
In CoS-P, 'shark music' refers to the internal alarm that goes off in a parent when their child expresses a need that triggers discomfort — often because that same need went unmet in the parent's own childhood. When a child's sadness makes you want to fix it immediately rather than sit with it, or when their anger makes you anxious — that's shark music. Recognising it is the first step to not letting it drive the response.
What the programme involves
CoS-P is typically delivered across 8 sessions, in individual or group format. It uses video examples, guided discussion, and reflection exercises to help parents observe their children's attachment needs more clearly, understand their own attachment history and how it shows up in parenting, and develop more consistent and sensitive responses.
It is not a programme that tells you you're doing it wrong. It is a programme that assumes you love your child and want to understand them better — and offers the knowledge and tools to do exactly that.