Attachment Theory: How Your Childhood Bond Shapes Your Adult Relationships

The way you were attached to your caregivers as a baby doesn't stay in the past — it shows up in your adult relationships in predictable, often unconscious ways. Here's what attachment theory actually tells us.

Stephen Tripodi
August 26, 2023

Did you know that research has been done on how different infants and young children are "attached" to their parents? Did you also know that this attachment style, rooted in childhood experiences and perhaps even temperament, shows up in your adult relationships?

As children, we go through the process of separation-individuation. Every child gets to experience the environment and acquire their own identity. During this process, there is a desire for both independence — rooted in exploration — and a sense of security and safety, which is usually provided by the parents or caregivers.

An experiment called The Strange Situation assessed the bond between different infants and their primary caregivers. In other words, they wanted to evaluate the emotional connection, also known as attachment, between children and their main 'person'.

The Strange Situation

In this experiment, the child's response to two different situations were examined:

  1. Primary caregiver's absence/departure
  2. Primary caregiver's return

From this, three main attachment styles were proposed.

Secure Attachment

Distressed when primary caregiver leaves. Comforted or at ease when primary caregiver returns.

Avoidant Attachment

Indifferent when primary caregiver leaves. Ignores when primary caregiver returns. This is an insecure attachment style, and may be divided into two types: Dismissing and Fearful.

Ambivalent (Anxious) Attachment

Distressed when primary caregiver leaves. Resentful, upset, or angry when primary caregiver returns.

How These Styles Show Up in Adulthood

In adulthood, these attachment styles may show up in a few different ways:

  • Secure: Enjoys closeness with others; has trust in others; positive self-view and view of others.
  • Dismissive-Avoidant: May not enjoy closeness with others; lacks trust in others; positive self-view but negative view of others.
  • Fearful-Avoidant: May not enjoy closeness with others; lacks trust in others; negative self-view and view of others.
  • Preoccupied/Ambivalent (Anxious): Enjoys closeness with others; may lack trust in others and exhibit jealousy; negative self-view but positive view of others.

Our team at Little Tree Psychology in Sherwood Park and Edmonton offers therapy that draws on attachment-based approaches. Book a session.